My name is Gaius and I'm a hustler, basically all I've done since the day I was born was hustle. I hustled to get colostrum from an indifferent mother, hustled to survive the childhood diseases that were a rite of passage in the noisy slum of Aduwawa, Benin-city, hustled to escape the fists of my elder brothers who'd beat me when they got bored, hustled to escape the crushing poverty in my family by doing anything, anything to get ahead.
Today I'm a fixer, getting my clients whatever they need promptly and at premium cost, they have never complained about my services, at least not to my hearing. With this job I've had to wear a number of caps- drug dealer, pimp, detective, private investigator, confidential procurer (thief), bodyguard, spy, escort, etc. Without any sense of false modesty I'd say I'm the best fixer in Edo state, fuck it! I'm the best in the South-South and second best in Nigeria, only Arinola can lay claim to being better than me in this naija and that's because he works exclusively for politicians and has access to the deepest pockets in the world- Nigerian politicians.Before a few self-righteous people read this and start judging me, let me add that I pay my tithe. A tenth of every kobo I make is kept aside for tithe collection on Sunday. Even though the pastor preaches against most of my actions, he's never rejected my money. My tithe alone keeps the church in the black and I'm the major financier of most of the church's projects and activities. Pastor prays for me day and night, I'd probably get into heaven long before most of you. Make una dey there make pant dey wear una as my friend would say. I also support a number of families in Aduwawa, pay the school fees of all the primary school age children on my street. I'm a staunch believer in the value of a basic education, let them be able to read and write. Maybe they'd finally escape this cesspit of a ghetto.
I have no illusions that I can sustain this lifestyle forever, one day I'd have to give it up but not before I've gotten a tidy nest egg to support me in my old age. I know that my philanthropic gestures seriously impede my progress but I won't have it any other way.
Hmmmm mami...So this is Gaius's story...You know, I always thought that there must be a deep story to the guy...buh mami...Like I said in Part 4...this is someone's reality....The truth is, there are a lot of 'Gaius' in many churches and it gets very confusing for me when I have to look at the amount of good they do out of the bad things they are involved in. See mami, I wouldn't call Gauis a 'bad guy'...a Die-Hard Hustler!..Yes!...and I am not biased because he pays his tithe...lemme deviate for a sec...I believe that just because someone pays tithe in church doesn't make him righteous before God and that includes the mind with which he pays it in...I believe that if you pay tithe in a 'place' that has 'Church' tagged to it and they are not doing 'church-y' things, then you are just wasting your bloody money....Now lemme come back here....Gauis is a Hustler...he is even hustling his way into heaven and that is why he picked some parts of the bible that works for him, hence paying his tithe....buh let's not forget that Gauis is a home wrecker, a destroyer, a human incurable infection, a walking and ticking bomb - why do I call him all that? He KNOWS he is a Fixer. Being a fixer works in 2 ways, either you fix people problems or you fix in problems in peoples lives and mami, Gauis does the latter....A die-hard hustler he is!....Mami, you gotta stop writing them posts short mehn, you know I am following this...**drops on knees** don't do your Tibs like this eh...
ReplyDeleteWow, Ernie, this comment is so spot on... i mean its filled with wisdom. I likey....
DeleteAnything Ernie writes is full of wisdom!
DeleteI'll try and make them longer, writing is hard for me though. I wish I could write like you.
ReplyDeleteHi Otunne, kindly permit me to say this.... Dont wish to write like another, Bubba, wish to write like yourself.... you have the most creative mind i have ever met, Bubba, you can do anything you put your mind to Otunne.
DeleteOkayyyyyy, so Gaius yeah?? this post kinda reminds me of Ahanna in a movie called Rattle snake. It was best seller while i grew up. You see, Ahanna was a good kinda robber, but a robber regardless... you see Otunne, our society now adays live based on what they see on the surface.. churches rain down praises on those who give in huge denominations and put down that real sincere man who gives what they tag "change" which in all sincerity is his widows mite. We worship tje rich and careless about how the cash donated is made, buf care more that the donations are made regardless, Bubbaa this is the way the society in a way supports crime... But i have to give it to Gaius, the fact that he remembers to do a bit of charity shows that he acknowledges GOD, but does that justify his evil or wrong? Hell no... it is well Bubba.... in my young and confused eyes, Its better to be our self with change, than a Gaius with dirty millions....
ReplyDeleteYou're so correct, and he's much more than a thief. He's a drug dealer, blackmailer and even a political thug. Our churches aren't helping matters, they praise the guys who bring the fattest envelopes without questioning their sources of income.
DeleteYes, it's better to be ourselves with some change than to be a Gaius with all the dirty millions.
Thanks for your beautiful and insightful comments